Saturday, April 22, 2006
A Very Old Cemetery
I went up to Columbia Cemetery in Boulder (Colorado) after work to shoot some pics. It felt empty and dreary there, for all the sun shone and cheery dandelions proclaimed the return of spring. No one leaves decorations by the gravestones there, the way they do at Louisville and Lafayette cemeteries. At Louisville and Lafayette, the dead are The Dearly Departed, much loved, much respected and much missed. The dead at Columbine Cemetery are The Forgotten.
In all fairness, though, Columbia is a very old cemetery. Who remembers you when you've been dead for 50 years? Who is there to put flowers on your grave when you've been gone a century?
In all fairness, though, Columbia is a very old cemetery. Who remembers you when you've been dead for 50 years? Who is there to put flowers on your grave when you've been gone a century?
Friday, April 21, 2006
Monday, April 17, 2006
Pinwheel
Thoughts on Persephone
The goddess Kore went down to the underworld and became Persephone. She didn't go of her own free will. Like we mortals are, she was kidnapped. Unlike we mortals, she was released and she returned. Her mother had advocated for her and won her freedom. But no one advocates for mortals. Once we're gone, we're gone, no matter that our mother grieves and beseeches the gods for us.
Friday, April 14, 2006
Hawk and Sparrow
I went to my dad's last night to help pay bills, as I've done every week without fail (practically) since Mom died five years ago. Dad's 70 now. He enjoys life and people very much. His hair's been white for a while but suddenly last night, he looked as though the years were catching up with him. It was easy for me to imagine being at his funeral the way we'd been at Mom's.
He told me how he saw a hawk catch a sparrow the other day. The hawk perched on his back fence and ripped the sparrow to shreds. It was horrible to watch. I spent the evening thinking about how death stalks each one of us. It lurks right behind. We might die violently or gently, but we are gonna die. Remember that, and let it make each moment sweeter.
He told me how he saw a hawk catch a sparrow the other day. The hawk perched on his back fence and ripped the sparrow to shreds. It was horrible to watch. I spent the evening thinking about how death stalks each one of us. It lurks right behind. We might die violently or gently, but we are gonna die. Remember that, and let it make each moment sweeter.
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
Monday, April 10, 2006
Thursday, April 06, 2006
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
Monday, April 03, 2006
There is no happy ending
There is only death, dismemberment and the crucifixion of our hearts with the passing of the forms that we have loved.
Joseph Campbell, Hero with a Thousand Faces
Joseph Campbell, Hero with a Thousand Faces
Sunday, April 02, 2006
The Death of Pheasants
Boiled up three pheasants last night with the goal of making pheasant with dumplings. David's friend Todd bagged a whole bunch of them on a hunting trip and now we get the fruits of his labors, such as they are. As I cleaned them in the sink I thought about their deaths. It must have been pretty scary for them in that field that day, with all the yelling and tromping and gunshots.
The shot drives their feathers into their flesh, pokes their bodies full of little holes and breaks their bones. One of the pheasant was shot at pretty close range. Its body was a mess -- not much left of the breast on the left side. This is what it means to be shot to hell, I guess.
The chicken we buy in the store is so so clean. We even buy it deboned now, which removes us yet another step from the fact that this was a living creature. It's more obvious what you are eating when you have to pick the shot out, break its leg joint with your hands to get the claw off because the joint is too tough to cut through, and remove bits of lung tissue and heart.
Life feeds on life, says Joseph Campbell. It's one of the mysteries of this life. I live because it died. Thank you, pheasant, for what you have given me.
The shot drives their feathers into their flesh, pokes their bodies full of little holes and breaks their bones. One of the pheasant was shot at pretty close range. Its body was a mess -- not much left of the breast on the left side. This is what it means to be shot to hell, I guess.
The chicken we buy in the store is so so clean. We even buy it deboned now, which removes us yet another step from the fact that this was a living creature. It's more obvious what you are eating when you have to pick the shot out, break its leg joint with your hands to get the claw off because the joint is too tough to cut through, and remove bits of lung tissue and heart.
Life feeds on life, says Joseph Campbell. It's one of the mysteries of this life. I live because it died. Thank you, pheasant, for what you have given me.
Saturday, April 01, 2006
Death is My Lover
Death is my lover. He wants me deeply, intensely. He loves the way I move, the way I gesture when I speak, the way I tilt my head. He can't wait to get me alone.
He comes to me at night. He whispers love words in my ear and my mind goes swirling away into dark emptiness, a pale mist dissipating in the boundless unending abyss.
Death touches me as I lie in bed, so tenderly and so gently that I can hardly feel him. But my body turns to hard dry clay and bit-by-bit in flakes and shards I crumble away.
He sits beside me in the garden. The sun is black, the roses withered, the insects tiny buzzing skeletons. Eternity weighs upon me then. It is so heavy I can't move, so loud I cannot hear.
My husband doesn't know I have another lover, a lover who is faithful and infinitely patient. Death waits for the day that I love him back, for the day when, in his arms, I forget all the other things I love.
He comes to me at night. He whispers love words in my ear and my mind goes swirling away into dark emptiness, a pale mist dissipating in the boundless unending abyss.
Death touches me as I lie in bed, so tenderly and so gently that I can hardly feel him. But my body turns to hard dry clay and bit-by-bit in flakes and shards I crumble away.
He sits beside me in the garden. The sun is black, the roses withered, the insects tiny buzzing skeletons. Eternity weighs upon me then. It is so heavy I can't move, so loud I cannot hear.
My husband doesn't know I have another lover, a lover who is faithful and infinitely patient. Death waits for the day that I love him back, for the day when, in his arms, I forget all the other things I love.
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